Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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