lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
