You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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