he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
