I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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