God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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