3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
