She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
