I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize