i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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