fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
