Dual....:-)
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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