Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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