i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I did not marry a roomba.
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