You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
