So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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