he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
