i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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