I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We left the knife in your bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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