I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
