One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
