Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
