You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
