i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
