so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
