This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
only if we run a train.
done.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
