Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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