remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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