she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did i walk over a car last night?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
