i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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