He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
