I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize