i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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