I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
