I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
