And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
