so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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