Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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