how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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