Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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