i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its liver damage thursday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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