I cannot find my penis.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
