He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
