every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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