Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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