the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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