New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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