I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
