my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
