There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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