And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
