also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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