remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
