remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
