hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
