Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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