I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
