i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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