i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
